Snow???

It is December 22, T-minus three days till Christmas and there is no snow. Not a single snowflake. Well shoot. I happen to be a big fan of blizzards that keep you from driving anywhere all day, and snowplows having to come out every 3 hours to clear the roads.

I prayed every night that I would wake up to snow, I wished upon the first star I saw in the night sky. I even used my wishbone wish on snow...to no avail. Curses.

I find myself listening to White Christmas more often than usual, and I stare angerly and the sky just waiting for that huge downpour of frozen precipitation.

You be wondering why I chose to waste an entire blog post on snow...well I'll tell ya why. Snow is awesome (to put it simply). I wanna run outside in my long johns and make snow angels, throw giant snowballs at my already soaked and whining little brother and sister,and I really want to try and form another igloo in the front lawn. But alas, I live in the northwest and I'm pretty sure my Christmas will be rainy, and possibly sunny skies.

Dad

There was once a time when I really was alright with my dad being gone. I never thought twice about the man, I wasn't torn up about his absence. Our family was beautiful and functional without a father. So I didn't want anything to change. And I suppose I still don't. I know it seem harsh to say that, but it's just the way it is. That is how I feel.

The other day I was in chapel and a speaker came and talked about love. Love, again? Man, it's the most preached about subject out there! I started to tune him out until he said something that really hit me hard. He said "Jesus digs you". Ha. What an odd statement...but it had an impact. Jesus digs me. hmm. Love. He was saying that my father, my true father, loves me more than anything. I am a priceless gem. I can't even fathom what that means. I can't even begin to dream how much he loves me.

It was really hard for me to think about how much my father loves me. I have nothing to compare it to, I don't know how a father loves his daughter. I have never been kissed goodnight by my daddy, I've never been set on his lap while watching tv. I won't ever know what it's like to dance with him. I won't be given away at my wedding by the man that watched me grow. So how am I to know how a dad loves his little girl? I don't.

But then the worship team played a song, one that I've been playing a lot lately. You know, those songs that you always sing but never really think about, it was one of those. How He Loves Us. huh...this was the first time these words hit me. They really sank in and I FELT how much He loves me. I could reach out and grab the tangible love that was coming down from Heaven. Everyday I wake up, heck, even when I'm asleep, his love envelops me. He is looking down from where He sits and smiles at me. He hugs me and kisses my cheek. He sings me to sleep every night.

It's absolutely astounding how much He loves us. Despite our countless flaws and many many mistakes, He loves us still. I suppose I'm repeating myself, but it's impossible to really grasp at how great his love for us, so I just have to keep saying it! All those broken families without dad's need to know that there is a father who loves them! There is a daddy who tucks them in at night and will walk them down the isle!

WHAT AN AMAZING FATHER WE HAVE!

Beautiful

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're beautiful

These words are running through my head, yet again after another night at Pursuit. Worship is something I do a lot (being at a christian school) and I hear this song a lot. But tonight, I actually understood and listened to these words. I see His face in every sunrise, the colors of the morning are inside Your eyes. The sunrise reflects his eyes.

I look around at creation and realize just how beautiful my God, my Creator, my Father is. Today is one of those days. Tonight I realized how beautiful everything around me is. Everything on this earth has His name written all over it. Everything on this planet is His trademark. Everything screams His glory.

More than just realizing this, a thought came to mind when I was marveling at His beauty. My family. I have never truly realized before now how beautiful my family is. To me, my family seems a bit unorthodox and a little unbalanced at times. But everything about them is a testament to God's artistic hand. He created that little brown boy that loves to sing and dance and braid hair. His smile shines through that big headed blond boy, still learning how to walk and read. His love is inside that brown haired, goofy grinning girl. God's beauty is inside each and every one of my siblings. His patience lives in the 21 year old learning to live on her own. His compassion is burning inside the caretaker of the house, the strong leader, the fantastic mother. His genius seeps through the wise 22 year old brother who seeks out knowledge through his Creator.

Man. How truly awestruck I was to behold this image. How entirely speechless I became at the thought, my God's beauty is pouring out of my own family. His loving kindness is the glue that holds us together. Wow.

Not only did it make me realize how awesome this artist is, but it made me realize how much love he put inside our family. My mom who has been a single mother for 20 years does nothing but give, give, and give some more. She has taken in children that no one wanted, that no one cared to take a second glance at. How awesome is that? How beautiful is that? It utterly astounds me that God has given my mother such a big heart. A heart to love on those who are not loved.

These thoughts leave me speechless. Literally, I have nothing more to say. I am in awe of the beauty the Lord has created.

This family, this unit, this MASTERPIECE that He has created, is my family.

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who you are
You're beautiful


until later,

the explorer

50 questions

Here are some recently read questions about exploring yourself.

Enjoy!

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What's holding you back?
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
22. Why are you, you?
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
25. What are you most grateful for?
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
32. If not now, then when?
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

After reading all these questions I find myself unable to answer honestly. Can you? When you think about the answers to all these questions you find that you may not truly be living the life you imagine yourself living. I know I'm not. Maybe this is all a little too deep in the morning. But maybe we should all stop what we're doing and think about why we do the things we do, and what should we be doing instead of the constant worrying and stressing that bogs us all down.

Think about it.

until later,

the explorer

Beauty

My oh my it has been quite some time since I have last posted. Well, just got back from Colorado where my brothers wedding took place. It was beautiful!

My favorite part of the entire thing was when Kami made that infamous walk to the altar (or gazebo in this case). I looked right at my brother Kris. He looked so excited he could barely contain himself. He kept trying to sneak peeks at Kam as she walked through the trees. And when he saw her, his eyes lit up.

I've never really understood that saying "His eyes lit up", until I saw the way my brother looked when he laid eyes on Kami. She of course, looked gorgeous. But I can only imagine what he was thinking when he saw her.

What a beautiful thought that is. What is going on in the grooms head when he first lays eyes on his bride. What he must be feeling. I would hazard a guess that they arent thinking of anything. That their minds have gone completely blank. That her beauty takes his breath away and his mind has nothing else to ponder, because he has seen what beauty really is. He now knows what perfection looks like.

I can't wait for the day that my love looks upon me that way. What a glorious thing to behold. What an amazing feeling to feel.

I've never been one of the regular girls, planning and dreaming of my wedding from a small age. But after seeing my brother get married all I can think about it how I will look on the day of my own wedding. What will my dress look like? How long will my veil be? How many bridesmaids will I have?

It felt almost like a dream their wedding day. Just watching them together, their first dance, cutting the cake. Everything about them seems beautiful, and I am beside myself thinking about the day I get my chance to play Cinderella.

until later,

the explorer

Full of Discovery

I never realized before now, but I am a huge fan of the Discovery Channel. There is a plethura of informative shows. But no one wants to watch boring TV where you learn stuff. Which is why I am astounded by the Discovery Channels tactics of teaching. They put shows on that are awesome and adventure packed. Shows like The Deadliest Catch and Mythbusters.

I am currently keen on Mythbusters. I just love the way they bust or prove myths! My particular favorite episode would have to be the one where they prove all the myths about ninjas! They actually brought in a man who has achieved ninja status. Minus the invisibility part.

Perhaps the reason I am drawn to the Discovery Channel is because they, like me, like to explore things to better understand them. What I especially love is the eccentric characters they get on their shows! The deadliest catch is a funny one, full with action and humor. Who knew crab fishing could be so dangerous! I sure didnt.

In any case, if you have yet to discover the Discovery Channel you really need to check it out. It is a very fulfilling bit of television.

Until later,

the explorer

My little swimmer

Have you ever had a pet that practically defines you? For many it is their best friend and pup, others it's a cat, for me, it's my fish. Yes, my fish.

I have a fish by the name of Schwart. Which, loosely translated means 'black' in German. Not that I speak German, but I know a few terms here and there. Little Schwarty came into my life in October of 08 when my roommate won him in a game of Bob for the Fish. He has called Lindsey and I family for 8 months. And what a great 8 months it has been.

Schwart is not like most fish. Oh sure, every parent thinks that of their baby. That they have a real special little guy not like anyone else on the face of the planet. Well I'm telling you, he really IS like no other. He just loves people, when he is put in a solitary place he always seems sadder and less swimmy. He hates dark bowls. When we change his water we often but him in a cermaic bowl and he just sits in place. He loves the sun and light. During these summer holidays he sits in my kitchen in a very large jar with multi colored pebbles at the bottom.

My little guy also happens to be quite the ladies man. He loves girls, possibly due to the fact that he lived in an all girls dorm. Whenever a girl enters the room he looks right at you and flits his little tail like a crazy little swimmer.

Now, a fish may seem like a distant creature, and some may argue it's due to their 3 second memory scan. But I, and many others would beg to differ on this account. He really does care about his family and friends. I love to wake up and see his bright shiny scales.

This may be considered an odd attachment, but I just can't help myself, and most animal lovers would feel the same.


until later,

the explorer

p.s. I am still working on my 101 list, no worries, it is still to come!

Comforting goodies

Brownies, Ice Cream, Cookies, Chocolate. Comfort foods. That's what we classify the afore mentioned foods as. So delicious, so...comforting.

Why in the world would I blog about comfort foods? Well, reason one is because I'm a girl. Reason two, because I am currently wanting all of the above. Not because I need comforting at this particular moment. But because I just really love eating those foods. Most people (men to be specific) don't understand why women need comfort foods. Well, I shall explain.

There are times in life when things just don't go our way, and when these times come upon us we need an escape. The only real escape that is acceptable and causes the least amount of damage (unless you count weight gain as damage), is eating food. Chocolates, ice creams, bon bons, smores, you name it and we will probably consume it in our time of need. These foods, although high in calories, fat, and high frustoce corn syrup, are some of the most delicious and nutritional(nutritional for our minds that is) foods a girl can eat. So, as a boyfriend or husband, don't comment on our splurges. Don't ask questions if you're sent to the store to buy candy or Ben and Jerry's, just do it.

The female pshyce is a complicated thing, so complicated in fact that we as women don't even understand most of the time. So don't try and analyze why we pick certain foods to consume in mass quantities every once in a while.



I sometimes wonder how these foods act as comforts. Well I have come up with an answer. Mind you it isn't a scientifically correct one, but it works just as well. Sugary foods are naturally yummy and addicting and in times of weakness when our will power is at an all time low, we give in and eat. Also, in just about every dream a girl partakes in some form of these foods makes an appearance. Maybe it's a boyfriend sending her a box of chocolates at the office, or a husband covering the bed with kisses. But yes, we do dream about sweets. Also, Comfort foods are just as good as a kiss, or a hug, or cuddling. This is why, after a break up or a particularly nasty fight, the goods are brought out. Consuming them can only better our somber moods. So if your mind is screaming COMFORT just listen and indulge.


Until later,

the explorer

"Parting is such sweet sorrow"...I coulda said it better

I don't do well with goodbyes. In fact, I just plain suck at them. I always promise myself I will see them again. But the truth is...I may not ever see them again.

When I think about all the goodbyes I will have to say looming on the horizon, my stomach ties up in knots, my throat starts to sting, my eyes look down and I have to remind myself to breathe. The connections I've made with these people may not be broken, just stretched. If I'm lucky, I will hear from them every once in a while. But they will have new lives then, new friends, and a new start. It's hard to grasp that I may not be a part of that new life. I guess the only thing that can reassure me is that, relationships that are supposed to be will be.

A pretty big goodbye is coming for me. One that I don't think I'm ready to say. I've been friends with this person for 3 years now, but it somehow feels like longer. I've never hung out with them outside of school, I've never met their family or have long talks into the night with them. But there was always the assurance that when I got into that one classroom that person would be there. I would sit down next to them and we would talk about anything. We would play games on our phones together and see who was the best at breaking bubbles. Whenever I am with them things are just nice. I guess it may seem odd that I can feel so close to someone I've never had ice cream with, but I do. This friendship comes so easy that I'm just not ready to let it go. I'm not ready to tell C goodbye. He's my advisory buddy. You just can't break a bond like that.

There is another goodbye coming. But this one is happier, it's a breaking off of one bond and joining in another. My brother is getting married. I am so excited I could just pee myself, but that doesn't mean I won't miss him being around. I don't want him to grow up and have a family, I want him to stay the fun guy who watches Avatar the last airbender with me. Maybe things won't change that much, maybe we still will watch our shows together...The good news is, I won't have to say a permanent goodbye, I will see him. And we will still be family. Woot!


Until later,


the explorer

And so it begins

Well...uh...here I am. Blogging. Yep. So, I'm new to the whole blogging world. This is my attempt at blogging. I guess I could start at the beginning, aka the reason I'm doing this in the first place. I was listening to my mom talk about this site she found 101 things in 1001 days. It's a list that you make of 101 things you want/need to do in 1001 days. I thought, "hey, why not?! It could be fun". The only appropriate way to go about doing this list is via blog...or so I'm told.

And so, this is my blog. I hope to make it witty and clever, maybe even funny. But we'll see about that, I've heard the cleverness comes later.

I have been thinking a lot about this list that I am making and I think I fail to realize how tough it will be. I can't even think of 101 things I want to do! Whew, this is gonna be a lot of work friends. Hopefully, by my next post I will have at least half of my list done and ready to share. I think the main reason I want to make this list, and to keep this blog, is to learn about myself, to share with people I don't know, my experiences. Maybe I just want this list to tell me to do the things I've always wanted to do. Maybe its a little bit of both. But who knows?

Until later,

the explorer